Microsoft Mary

© Thomas Wilson Shawcross 29 May 2005

I heard the voice of Microsoft Mary last night. It was my first time, and I will never forget it. I wonder what she is doing now?

I had been listening to the online archives of the This American Life radio programs. In Episode 279, Auto Show, from 10 Dec 2004, David Segal ventures into the world of db (decibels) drag racing. In db drag racing, the cars themselves don’t move - their sound systems compete with each other. The winner is the car with the loudest stereo.

David described how the contests work. A microphone is taped inside a competitor’s car, the doors are closed, and then they play a standard three-second sound known as “the burp.” The winner is the sound system with the most decibels, usually 150+ (much louder than a jet engine).

The radio program recorded one of the contests. As a competition was about to begin, an other-worldly woman’s voice could be heard giving a count-down. David Segal off-handedly identified her as “Microsoft Mary.”

Immediately, I wanted to know more about this Microsoft Mary, but David made no more mention of her. He seemed more interested in wondering why anyone would want to make a car stereo so loud that one could not listen to it. As if that wasn’t obvious. But, what about Microsoft Mary?

Just then, Peanut came up to me, panting. “Say, wouldn’t it be a great idea to go out?” he seemed to be saying in Bichon Frise. So I took Peanut for a walk and forgot about Microsoft Mary.

Then, this morning, I was reading T. M. Shine’s CityLink newspaper column, TimeLine, and the tag line said he had found a way to even the score with technology. He was using the text-to-voice feature of his employer’s computer system to listen to his e-mail via his cell phone. The computer voice seemed to be that of a robot woman, whom he imagined to be “like, Kelly Preston in a foul mood.”

Inspired, Shine started typing love notes to himself (“Terry, I miss you . . .") and listening to them on his cell phone as “Kelly” read them to him. Kind of a turn-on.

Wait, a robot-woman voice? Could his “Kelly” be my Microsoft Mary? Now I had to look this up. Here is what I found out:

Microsoft Mary, Microsoft Mike, and Microsoft Sam are the three “free” voices that come with AT&T’s Natural Voice Reader software. This software is used by the blind to listen to text, and it has many other uses, such as demonstrated by T. M. Shine. Some writers use it to check their own writing for errors, as they can hear things that proofreading might miss.

The free voices are, not surprisingly, less natural-sounding (more Stephen Hawking-ish) than the fee voices that are available. I have learned that the ReadPlease Corporation sells the following more-natural voices:

To listen to an audio sample, please click on the desired voice.
Crystal (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Julia (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Lauren (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Mike (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Mel (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Ray (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Rich (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Anjali - Indian Accent English (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Audrey - UK (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Charles - UK (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Klara - German (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Reiner - German (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Rosa - Spanish (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Alberto - Spanish (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Juliette - French (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma
Alain - French (AT&T) 16k mp3 wav wma

As if having all of these choices isn’t difficult enough, it seems that one can even create a customized voice of one’s own choosing. I wonder if I could make a Sarah Vowell voice to read my blog back to me? That might be interesting. I really like her voice – reminiscent of Betsy Boop with Dorothy Parker undershadings – and I think it would be perfect for narrating some of my essays. Of course, for most of my essays, an elk-gutting manly voice, sort of a Darth Vader – cum – John Wayne voice, would be more appropriate. Obviously, this is a topic worthy of additional research.